Countdown blues

I think I have figured out what is making this part of the deployment so much harder than the first part was.  For the first part of the deployment I had a really hard time until I got pretty solid R&R dates, then I had a fabulous count down. I had something to look forward to, I had pretty accurate numbers, I had a reason to keep my calendar up to date, I had a vacation to plan. I had a driving force getting me through to the next time I was to see my husband. But this time, I have tried really hard to keep the one year mark as my count down (I strongly believe the army won't pay the extra cash to keep them there for over a year) even though I've heard several rumors suggesting that they will be home early. I just cannot believe these very desirable dates, the Army is notorious for giving you dates that are weeks, or months off. Nothing is set in stone with the Army, I won't believe they are coming home early until he is in my arms. but, because of this, I have this struggle to keep myself from getting my hopes up, but to keep a positive attitude also. I feel like I keep seeing other people from the unit's "countdowns" and they are basically confusing me. I don't want my hopes up, but my number next to their numbers is just incredibly depressing. So I have the countdown on my phone, but I haven't really gotten into it, haven't put in on my calendar, haven't started doing anything special for any milestones (for R&R a bought a special treat for Mexico every 10 days I made it through) because I feel stupid and incredibly depressed that I haven't hit double digits yet and everyone else did weeks ago... I know that the reason I am doing this is because I am trying to protect myself from getting hurt, but am I hurting myself more by not letting myself get excited about when they are coming home? I need to figure out a way to get excited and keep the year mark as my dates, I just need to ignore when other people's count downs sound way more exciting... but that is easier said than done