Sick

I am sick, very very very sick, and I am finding it very difficult to stay positive today. I kind of just want to be a whiny baby and have Jake wait on my every need today.. but alas that cannot happen so instead i sit at home, alone, and sick, dreaming of the day that he can come home to me.

waiting...

Right now, I am missing him. I love him with all my heart and soul, he is my best friend. Jake is the greatest husband a woman could ask for. He gives me everything I need. He is the greatest guy, he is so funny and smart and amazing, I love spending time with him, and laughing, and making jokes. Don't get me wrong, my friends are the greatest- I couldn't do this with out them- but no one can replace Jake to me. No one can make me feel like he does, and no one can encourage me the way he does. No one can make everything seem lighter the way he can. I am so thankful to have him in my life, and am so glad for every single second of phone time, video chatting, and emails I get. But I cannot wait for that moment when I get to see him in person, when i can smooch him, and feel his hand in mine. That time is approaching, very, very slowly, but it is coming. Every single second that I can make it through, I get a second closer to getting that amazing smooch, seeing that perfect smile in person. And that alone is what makes this doable. because I know in the end I get to see my husband again, and that is all that matters to me right now.

Bad moments not bad days

Throughout a deployment there are so many feelings and emotions that come up. and I have heard over and over that there are "good days" and "bad days." I disagree with this, I think there are good moments and bad moments, I don't want one break down to soil my chances of having a "good day." I am beginning to feel quite strongly about this subject because it has been brought to my attention that people seem to be rating my success at this deployment- and that I have not been scoring very high. There are at least 5 or 6 women that believe that I am "taking this the worst" or that I am "not dealing with this in a healthy manner" or many other things along those lines. after hearing these things my first thought was that maybe they're right. But how could I be so far off the mark? I was (and am) so proud of myself for dealing with everything the way I have been. Then to have people basically flat out tell you you're wrong is so discouraging. I understand that they are "trying to help" but lets be honest all it did was send me to a lower place, making me believe that really dealing with this well was unattainable. Enter my hero of a husband! He made me realize that I did not have to listen to these people at all, and none of these people know everything and that he is the only one that truly knows all that I'm going through, and all the ways I choose to handle it. He helped me realize that I should be proud of where I am, and how much I accomplish. He also helped me realize that it's not an all or nothing thing, I can have a really hard moment, a break down and cry, but the day doesn't end there, I can also get things accomplished, and send a love letter to him, and pray and read my bible, and do so many other things to strengthen me. This  entry is not to bad mouth these people at all, and I know they are trying to help and I appreciate that they worry about me. This is more of a defense of how I am dealing with this. I know everyone deals with things differently but I like to take it one step at a time. For every breakdown I can have a smile too, I can be lonely and miss my husband and still be doing okay. My loneliness does not define my life.