Waiting to say GoodBye

With Jake leaving VERY soon, I decided to start back up in the blogging world... I haven't been good at all  with keeping you guys posted about our lives, and I'm sorry. I will try again, I promise. For those of you who are out of the loop, here is a quick summation of what is going on in our lives currently.

  As most of you know, Jake has been attempting to go from National Guard to Active Duty Army for quite some time now (2 and a half years). When he deployed in 2010 he was told that he would be going active duty when he came back. Well he has been back since September and the process is only now beginning. The Active Duty army is only taking prior service as Special Forces, at the moment. So here is what we are looking at, you can only go through selection if you are an infantry soldier (Jake is a medic). Infantry school is combined with basic training, therefore Jake must go back to basic/AIT, then to airborne, then to special forces selection. This all adds up to a total of 26 weeks (6 months) of separation for us. If, for whatever reason, Jake does not make it through selection, he will be an infantry soldier for 2 years, before he can reclass back to medic. This is not easy for me, but I know he would LOVE being special forces, and I know that God is control. I hate the idea of us being separated yet again, but I know that that's whats best for our family.

   Waiting to say good bye is the worst. knowing that you only have X amount of days left together is haunting. It's like this giant dark cloud in the form of a calendar is following us around in everything we do. Planning everything out is stressful, because when you come down to 2 weeks left everything gets booked up so quickly. You run out of time to do things with all the people you want to make sure he sees before he goes, and more importantly, you've booked up all your time together, for time with other people. Though that makes sense at the time, when it comes down to it, you begin to resent having plans. We are hoping to counteract this by going camping next weekend. Hopefully I will be able to stay positive, and we can just enjoy our time in the woods. I have had a hard time not thinking about how it's June 15th and he is leaving me July 1st. I think I am doing a better job with this, than I did with the impending deployment, because truthfully this is not that bad. However, I am not doing as well as i should be. Hopefully with some more Army Wife practice, I can get better at the time leading up to goodbye. (Or Jake makes it through selection, to Special Forces, and I just have no warning about when he leaves... There are definitely good and bad things in that.)

  Hopefully that caught you guys up on our lives, and gave you a little insight in what's going on in my head with Jake leaving so soon. and with any luck, you guys will hear from me sooner, rather than later. :)

a day later it still hurts...

Today I am still heart broken. Today i am still missing him. Today I have the beginnings of a migraine because of how much i cried yesterday. Today I want him to come home. But I know he is doing his job. I know that our country needs him. I know that he loves what he does. I know that he loves me more. I know that he misses me. I know that he is a hero, and that he is MY hero. I love him with all my heart. Saying goodbye was terrible, still is terrible, but I can't let it take me over, I can't turn into that empty shell of loneliness that my body is trying to. I need to fight the fact that all I want to do is cry. I need to remember that his leaving and going back was necessary in order to get to the real end of this deployment. I am so glad that we are 3/4 of the way done, and so proud of all the soldiers and their spouses for getting this far. we can do it, even if it feels like it might kill us, it won't, we will have them back by the end of this. And for that day I cannot wait! I hope to post Mexico pictures, and the rest of the  pictures from leave up later this week, it's still a little too fresh right now to talk about it all because it makes me miss him so much, but as soon as I'm ready I will.
Being with him for those 2 weeks made me so happy. I got to remember all the reasons I married him, I got to actually do wifely things, I got SMOOCHES!!!! I got to give back rubs! I got to be the wife that I've always tried to be, but it's hard so far away. I got to see our marriage in action. I got to see us in blissful love, and work through some hard stuff too. I got proof that we are different, that we are not doomed to fail, but destined for forever.

Thank you Lord for my amazing husband, he truly is a wonderful man. Thank You for his heart, and everything that he does to better the world, and to better our relationship. Thank You for this amazing time with him, he makes me so happy that I can't even explain it. Thank You for all the friends that have stepped up to give their support to me during this rough time. Thank You for my life, I never imagined that I would ever be this happy. Thank you for keeping him safe, and please never stop. Thank You for helping us keep our marriage strong despite the struggles. Thank You. 




Here's another video that defines how I feel, I know it's not fair to say that I need him more, and I am trying to not be selfish, but I promised to be honest on here, and this is how I truly feel...

Good bye is the worst

2 weeks is just long enough to get back into a routine and to be able to pretend like he's here for the long run... but he's not. I have very few words to describe how I'm feeling right now besides broken hearted....